August...what a month!

This month has just flown right by, but at the same time it has dragged on for us.

We've had some crazy weather here, to include a 5.8 earthquake on Aug 23rd and a Category 2 Hurricane (Irene) Aug 27th.  We have no damage from either, luckily we are about 185 miles from the epicenter of the earthquake and just far enough west of the NC coast to only receive high winds (up to 35 mph gusts) and plenty of rain from Hurricane Irene.

Knowing that September marks a year that we've been under the adoption umbrella doesn't make the waiting for another match any easier.  Roughly this time last year we were busy with paperwork, meetings and information sessions.  All of which helped keep us preoccupied from counting the days until we would have our family.  We don't have that luxury (of a distraction) this year.  We're playing the waiting game, again, hoping that a potential birth mother is interested in us.

We're hoping that September brings us some good news and we appreciate you keeping us in your thoughts and prayers.  Love to all!

Couldn't have said it better...

This adoption blog (from Christian Adoption Consultants) was passed onto Rachel from one of her fellow adoption acquaintances:

http://thespiritofadoption.wordpress.com/2011/01/28/saying-yes/

Devastated -- Match Failed

devastated; –verb  

1. to lay waste; render desolate

2. to overwhelm

Things we know:  we aren't the first couple to go through a failed match; we aren't the first couple to experience this heartbreak; we will more than likely go on to successfully adopt a baby.

But our hearts hurt so very very much right now. It is, by far, the worst heartache. We just want the pain to go away. We want the tears to stop. This is so hard.

We returned from our Florida vacation this past Sunday and went to work today as normal.  Came home from work and there it was...the voice mail...the facilitator's voice sounded like something wasn't right.  Without going into a ton of details, suffice it to say that the birth mother and her actions (or lack there of) started putting up some red flags for us and our adoption facilitator as well. We had to make the hard decision of not continuing with this birth mother.

We know as time goes on, it will get easier. But right now? It's still so very very hard.

Anyway, we wanted to let all of you know. We know several of you are emotionally invested and have been waiting for some news. Sorry it wasn't want what you were hoping for. It wasn't what we were hoping for either...

That's why it's called an Estimated Due Date

After a phone call last night with our adoption facilitator in California, we found out that the birth mother's due date that was originally told to us (Dec 3rd) is incorrect.  Apparently, the birth mom didn't remember or calculate correctly from her last period.

The most recent doctor's visit puts the birth mom at 15 weeks (today) with about 177 days to go and the new estimated due date is January 8th, 2012!

This changes things ever so slightly.  And, we know, that this new due date could change as well.  Not to mention the fact that the birth mom could deliver earlier (or even later) than expected.

We are still waiting on finding out the baby's sex.  Hopefully we'll find out at the next doctor's appointment, if the baby cooperates.  Rachel's ‘inner planner’ person is absolutely ecstatic about potentially finding out the sex….especially since we are in the process of putting together the baby’s room and that would make it so much easier (I think).

We have not decided on names, but have tossed around several…more like a thousand, but we don’t seem to be able to agree on any.  LOL!

Please continue to keep all of us in your thoughts and prayers for a healthy pregnancy and delivery.

The Great Divide

When we hear of pregnancy, the reaction is easy- joy.  The questions and comments are commonplace. When are you due? Will you find out the sex of the baby? What names have you picked out?  With adoption there is a lack of understanding that the adoptive parents feel all the same emotions as expectant parents through pregnancy: anxiety, excitement, financial worries etc.  In fact, many don't regard adoptive parents as expectant parents at all.  Sadly, they are looked at in a different light...yes, it's true.

We've received comments like," Oh, well you'll adopt and then get pregnant right away."  This is hurtful because it diminishes the excitement of the adoption by making it sound like it is a means to an end and not a happy and joyous way to become parents.  Other remarks include,"Oh, that child is so lucky to have you. You saved them from a potential horrible situation." Or "How much did your baby cost?"

Again, we're faced with negativity when trying to celebrate the milestone of our pending parenthood. As adoptive parents we are (sort of) trained on how to answer insensitive questions gracefully by reminding people that we will be lucky to have our adopted child.  We educate people by pointing out that the baby didn't cost anything, however the adoption process entails paying agency fees, attorney fees, and travel expenses - just to name a few of the costs.  I have never heard anyone ask a pregnant woman how much she paid in medical bills to have her baby.

I'm pretty sure these people mean well, but it just comes out all wrong.  Why not just offer a congratulatory word?  Definitely feel free to ask us the same questions (for the most part) you would ask a pregnant woman...you might be surprised at our answers and how similar they are.

You’re pregnant…I’m paper pregnant (aka: have a completed home study) and waiting

You’re scared of stretch marks and how you are going to get back to your pre-pregnancy weight…I’m scared of the potential health consequences of not ever sustaining a pregnancy (increased cancer risk, etc.)

You’re worried if breastfeeding will hurt…I’m worried how wallet-friendly formula and bottle feeding will be

You’re researching baby products to find out their safety ratings…I’m researching the effects of drugs and alcohol in case I’m presented with a case where one or both were used during the pregnancy

You’re wondering who the baby will look more like…I’m wondering how the world around me will react if my baby is of another race than me

You’re stressed about your portion of the hospital bill for the birth…I’m stressed about the mountains of legal fees I’m going to have to pay

You’re nesting…I’m dying to nest

You’re becoming a mom through biology…I’m becoming a mom through love

You’re deciding if you should start a college fund now…I’m deciding what items I’ll pay a birth mother for during her pregnancy (clothes, transportation, medical, rent, etc.)

You’re excited and nervous for what the future will hold for your baby…I’m excited and nervous for what the future will hold for my baby